I’m regressing back to the way I was when I was 15. Horribly depressed, anti-social. Drinking, smoking, not sleeping properly, torn up inside. I need to get away from it all. I need to be happy again.
Feeds
766 items (122 unread) in 6 feeds
friends
(122 unread)
-
virtual-sushi
(22 unread)
-
MonochroMe (61 unread)
-
Jagged Little Pili
-
The Virtual Gigolo
(9 unread)
-
Jay's Personal Site
(30 unread)
-
James' Blog
MonochroMe (3 unread)
-
I need to get out of here
Fetched: June 25th, 2008, 5:20pm UTC by Charlee Brown
-
Stuff is kinda going on..
Fetched: June 18th, 2008, 11:41am UTC by Charlee Brown
So I may have bought one of these…
Isn’t she beautiful? Her name is Wednesday, and I’ve bought her in black. I should be getting her by the 27th, which is a coincidence. About a decade ago, in a depressed and drunken stupor, I made myself a promise that had things not fallen into place, future wise, by the 27th June 2008, I would allow myself to end it, but that in the meantime, I had to give it a go. I have no idea why I chose that date, it was probably the 27th June at the time or something, and I know I would’ve picked being 25, as back then that’s when I’d wanted to have my first child by.
At one point it looked like things were falling into place, but now not so much. Sam always said there were only three things he wanted in life,
1. Roof over his head
2. Woman in his arms
3. Money in the bank
I tend to agree. A good job, a good partner and somewhere nice to live are about the three key ingredients. And obviously I’d probably want to add kids to the mix to make it perfect, but not without those three in place first. I have a good job. I like my job. I don’t mind living at home (although the fact that it’s not my place bugs me, and the fact that I don’t have the ability to just have people over). I do mind not having someone to cuddle.
I’m doing something about that in a way, I’ve joined a dreaded online dating agency. This is a mixture of exciting and frustrating. I’ve winked at and mailed a few good men (and dredging through there weren’t that many of _my_ type). And I’ve had the odd good one wink at or mail me. But in general I seem to be ignored by the ones I think are most suited to me, or have people who are in no way my type wink at me.
Saying that I have a date on thurs that I’m quite looking forward to, even if it is quite nerve racking. Yes I’m not shy, no I don’t really have a problem talking to “strangers” but I am still a little bit of a weak girly when it comes to the fear of these situations. And let’s face it, I don’t exactly have a huge amount of self-confidence to carry me through it.
But yeah, some things are at least picking up. I’ve had a relatively symptom low month (aside from a blip that had Stu offering to take me to hospital, because he’s a sweetheart like that), and even if someone has given me a goddamn cold, I still don’t feel too bad (although that may be the brandy and wine I had for “medicinal” purposes). I’ve gotta a couple of socially busy weeks coming up. Including dinner with friends, a “practice” session for a new band (i’ll be the one attempting to sing), two Radiohead gigs and at some point, picking up my new bike.
I also, sadly, have to take Lasi back to the vets. For the first time in a decade or more, we took her yesterday when Luki went for her standard check-up, and sadly they think she might have cancer. They found a large “growth” in Lasi’s tummy, and they think that’s the cause. Luki however seems to be much the same. Neither seem unhappy, just old, which is expected at their ripe old age of 17. As long as she’s not in pain, I’ll be ok with it, I just hope she doesn’t have to be put down, as I’m not very good at that (I had to hold Tigger’s paw when they gave him the injection, and it scared me for life.)
And as much as Luki and Lasi aren’t close, they tend to fight, they’ve been getting closer, which tells me one of them’s on the way out. And I’m not sure how the other will be with it. (Lasi was distraught when Micro died).
I know they’re _just_ cats, but they’re my family.
Anyway, when something actually happens, I might blog it, but in the meantime it’s more of the waiting game for me.
-
RIP Mao Mao
Fetched: June 18th, 2008, 11:41am UTC by Charlee Brown
Mao Mao being active as usual
Originally uploaded by charleebrown.
Very very sad news today
http://www.startribune.com/world/19743619.html?location_refer=WorldSo my beautiful lady is no more. Found on Monday buried under debris, the only (to my knowledge) panda fatality from the earthquake.
She was such a wonderful panda. Always happy, never any trouble, and quite simply the easiest to clean up after. She always left her bamboo debris on her little path where it was easy to gather it, and not scattered about the place. She was friendly and playful, and gentle. Some babies have lost their Mummy now, and I’ve lost my furry namesake.
Today is a sad day